either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
