I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
