she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
