OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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