He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
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I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
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why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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