I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
