1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
