There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
