why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
