So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
