It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
