its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize