so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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