And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
