Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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