You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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