I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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