you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
