she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
