Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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