I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
