I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
