My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
