He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
