i will never coherently bang her
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
