I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Floor bacon is actually really good
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
