Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
