I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
