If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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