Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
