it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
