Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
