I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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