i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
