i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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