my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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