There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
