I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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