Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
