I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
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Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
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In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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