it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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