we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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