I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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