I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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