The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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