My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
there is glitter all over my balls
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