please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
