Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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