I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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