he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
