I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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