i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
