Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
