I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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