"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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