i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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